Me and My Mother Have Some Serious Anger Issues.. Any Therapist’s Around?
Question by Joe E: Me and my mother have some serious anger issues.. Any therapist’s around?
Me and my mom are ALWAYS fighting. Like bad fighting too.. It usually starts about money, then it escalates to her getting angrier and angrier and me getting angrier and angrier and that’s when all hell breaks loose.
I end up saying some really REALLY bad things to her that I immediately regret, but at the moment, my blood is boiling, I feel like I am going to pass out or faint and I kind of black out and before I know it words are coming out of my mouth in the heat of the moment.
Today for instance, I owed her rent $ $ . She came into my room and ask what I am doing with my car (its broken ATM, I need a new fuel pump) and she said well, how much is that? And I said a couple hundred dollars, but I don’t have it right now. She see’s that I have $ 100 bill on my nightstand and she asks, whats that for, and I told her its for you, for rent. Gave it to her, but then I asked her to just sign a little log I started whenever I give her rent. She refuses to sign anything. The argument escalates even more and thats when she told me I have to get the car fixed, sell it, and give her her money back (she did match what I had saved up for the car when I was 19). So that’s when I commented, its all about money, isn’t it? And she went haywire.. as did I because she keeps attacking and attacking me. She took the $ 100 and ripped it up and threw it in my face.
Now, I am only 22yrs old. I don’t make much money at all, so $ 100 is ALOT of money for me. That got me really angry where I said some REALLY negative things that I feel horrible about. My father got involved and he shoved me and I shoved him back, ending up breaking his glasses.
I feel so bad.. I’m in tears right now, I love my father dearly and would do anything for him. My mother.. well, I suppose I love her too, but it doesn’t seem like it too much anymore.
After we have calmed down a bit, I told her, I want myself AND HER to go sit down with a therapist and try and resolve this tension and anger we have towards each other. She calls me toxic to the family, she says she wants me out of her life, she told me she wishes I had died from sticking the a needle in my arm (I was addicted to heroin months back.. been clean since) and she doesn’t realize but that is something that you should not tell a recovering addict.
I realize I have temper issues, she realizes that she might have anger problems, but her excuse is that “I have a lot to be angry about, but you, you have NOTHING to be angry about”. She is a VERY VERY stubborn offensive woman and I think I get that stubbornness from her and we butt heads constantly.
My fathers advice to me is to just eat her shit. I feel bad for him because she gives him hell ALOT, he is a very un-confrontational so eating it isn’t too hard for him. But I can’t seem to do it, once I feel my blood boiling I cant stop.
I must have anger issues, right? I mean, this can’t be healthy for the family. Fights like this leave my 14yr old sister in tears. I don’t want this to continue anymore. They have done a lot for me in the past and we shouldn’t fight like this no more.
I never EVER would hit my mother but there have been times where I have pushed her because shes gotten me so angry and I SOOOO regret it. I feel like shit, I always look down on people who abuse women. I never want to be that person. EVER. But she slaps me, throws things at me, wishes I had died, said I was a mistake.. I mean, there’s only so much one person can take!
She refuses to go to therapy with me, she says I am the one who needs it, but I think it would be really healthy for us both to sit down with a mediator to figure shit out. Honestly, I think she is afraid of what shes gonna hear because as guilty as I am in this, she isn’t so innocent either. And I know if she hears a therapist tell her this, she will go in denial and pretty much tell the professional that he is wrong.
My mother’s father was very abusive and an all around angry man and as much as she despises that man, I think she has become similar to him (not so much abusive, just very angry). She is russian, they are known to have tempers LOL
Can anyone give me some advice here? Should I continue to try and talk her into going to therapy with me? Should I go by myself and maybe see what the therapist recommends?
Thanks guys!
Best answer:
Answer by Kathy Weis
Joe, I would seriously go talk to a Professional & get EVERYTHING out on the table. See what a counselor would advise you to do. I do know a good bit about Domestic Violence & anger issues as my own Sister was married to someone with anger issues of EVERY kind. Your mom IS an abuser in so many ways. Emotional, verbal & mental abuser. Abuse IS inherited too BTW. You home badly needs counseling on anger management. That no doubt is the reason your mom is shying away from it as she KNOWS too well what her problems are, but they MUST be solved. Now it’s beginning to affect your younger sister which is a total shame. Something MUST be done, & if you would just go, find out as much as you can, that alone would be of so much help. A counselor would know just what to do & how to do it so possibly would have a way of ending up bringing more of your family involved in “your situation” which in turn will also help “their” situations too. If you know what I’m referring to. Take them up on going to counseling tho as I DO believe that at least would be a good start for ALL involved believe it or not. Also, CONGRATULATIONS to you for “overcoming” your addiction. I too am familiar with addictions & know all it entails to be clean & sober, but to REMAIN just that. I DO commend you for that, keep up the good work!!! That IS something to be proud of, a self satisfaction only you know how it feels! My Sister is a 20+ yr. recovering alcoholic, so I also too well know about addictions. Also, a person with anger problems is a controller with low self esteem problems. I’m so well versed about all that too. As I suggested, you be the one to go for counseling, I dare say it will end up helping your whole family before it’s over. It’s sure worth a try. You have nothing to loose, everything to gain!!! Yes, I too am in agreement that for some odd reason the Russians do seem to have an over abundance of anger situations, don’t know why. My Sister’s situation was also with a man of Russian decent who had a mother who was so very physically, mentally, verbally & emotionally abusive towards her husband & the one my Sister was involved with. Honey, DO GO & see if possibly thru you your whole family will end up benefiting from it. I do wish you all the very best!^