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An addict…A child…A Mess… Your Advice Please?

Question by Stay@homemom: An addict…A child…A mess… Your advice please?
My daughter’s biological father has just come into our lives (very much unwanted) after 3 years of the unknown. She is now 3, so yes her entire life, and for my entire pregnancy he has MIA. I found out that he was using drugs 4 days after I found out I was pregnant and out he went. I didn’t want any part of that for myself or my unborn child. I had my best friend by my side the entire time, who is now my husband and the only father my daughter has ever known. We have a great little family and then out of no where, this man comes back into our lives. We both got attorneys b/c he is still partying and doing the same old thing, but the state I live in is “pro-family”, so they think at absolutely no matter what the biological parents are into personally, they should have a relationship with their child. I think it would be great for my daughter to know her biological father, of course if he had something of value to offer her. Since we have been in court we have had a temp. visitation plan that allows him every Sunday for 6-7 hours. She has now started saying the “f” word, the “B” word, Dumb A**, and make gun sounds by saying “Bang Bang”… I am completely disgusted and I am honestly scared for my daughter’s well being… My attorney is so passive that I need to personally step up my game and dig into this. So my question is could a person how regularly shoots up Oxy and Heroin stop using drugs but continue to drink heavily? Please help me! 🙂

Best answer:

Answer by Ruth
Contact your local social services department and report his verbal abuse in front of your daughter and his drug and alcohol use. Ask for a social worker to visit him when he’s having time with the child to help you document his condition around her. With their back up and documentation, you should be able to petition the court for a change in the visitation. Also, make a motion for the court to appoint a “guardian ad litem”, which is an attorney to represent the child’s interests only.

Document everything, including every instance where she repeats the bad words she’s heard. EVERY time you are in court, make it clear to the judge that you have valid concerns about the safety and welfare of your child because of his drinking and drug use. If your attorney will not bring these issues up to the court, fire him and find representation who will! It does not matter whether you have evidence or not, you MUST make these concerns known to the court and appeal to them to protect your daughter’s well being by curtailing visitation or ordering supervised visits until he proves that he is in treatment or will be sober.
I had to keep my ex from our kids due to his drinking. I didn’t have an attorney, but made it clear to the judge and the investigator that he was alcoholic. And even without actual evidence, I was granted only supervised visits, which my ex never complied with. He eventually lost the right to visit the kids because he refused to comply with the terms set forth in the court order and to seek out treatment for his addiction. It’s too bad, but in your case, if you can get the court to help you safeguard your daughter, he will probably drop out of your lives.

I know it’s possible, if you are adamant on your views and make it clear to the court. Good luck and take good care.
R

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